Love

Fathers Need their children too!

The other day I was watching a feel good movie called Real Steel. A great movie I must say. I mean who wouldn’t enjoy giant robots smashing themselves to bits at the screams of the people? On the surface, it’s just another story of the underdog triumphing against all odds.

The thing that struck me the most was the story beneath the metal carnage; a story of a father creating a relationship with the son he never knew existed. Now this was for me the true highlight of the film.

You see, before meeting his son, this guy was selfish and unfocused in his endeavors. A has-been pro boxer who is now deep in debt, appearing in backwater arenas to place his robot in fights to the death.

However, when the son enters his life, he starts seeing things a different way, he learns how to put someone ahead of himself and very importantly, he learns to dream again and believe in himself. Read more…

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Why Valentine’s Day is actually destroying your relationship and how you can save it.

“Why should we wait a whole year for one supposedly special day to celebrate our love and affection to one another?”

Believe it or not but we were still young and in the throws of a blossoming love when my now wife asked me this question several years ago. We were still dating and the thought of making babies together hadn’t even crossed our lightning fast minds.

I admit I was really relieved. You have to understand there’s incredible pressure on us men to deliver a spectacular once in a year romantic experience every 14th February for the women in our lives. Plus I was quite broke at that time so I was bound to disappoint.

But isn’t it funny how valentines isn’t so much a holiday for couples to celebrate their love as it is for the ladies to out-do each other by having their romance inept men very publicly shower them with gifts, treats and excessive excursions? I never see the women going crazy about what they must do for their man or the men spending the whole day waiting for cards and chocolates. I think that says a lot, don’t you?

Anyways, back to my story. I was relieved that not only did I not have to break the already broken bank to impress this amazing woman with usual expensive repertoire for Valentines but more so because I found someone who shared my own appreciation for the shallowness of the whole thing.

Here’s the reality. You simply cannot claim to love someone on one special day in the year and then spend the other three hundred and sixty four treating them like your servant or doormat. Yet that’s the deception we have bought into. There is no one special day in the year to show your love for your mate. Every day is special.

I can boldly say that this sort of thinking is actually killing our relationships. Remembering how special your mate is, usually the ladies, once or twice a year simply doesn’t cut it. Now while this may not affect the males as much, seeing as women are the more emotionally intelligent of the species, over time it does get both parties feeling less than valued when acknowledged so rarely.

So my wife and I decided we won’t celebrate Valentine’s. There’s no point. Instead, we came up with a much better way born out of a simple, wild thought spoken out loud.

“Instead of ‘Happy Valentines Day’ once a year, how about “Happy Our Day”, every day of the year?”

The key principal of Valentine’s is to celebrate love through unique, uncommon and often very public gestures. Those amazing feelings aroused at the end of the day prove we all love the doting and attention in front of our friends and peers. Now imagine the impact it would have on your relationship if you did smaller shows of love every day throughout the year instead? Dynamite!

It’s in the simple things. A wild rose picked from the wayside on one day, a slice of her favorite cake the next, a bow wrapped beer for him after a long day at work the other. The options are only limited to your imagination. Be creative and find ways to use the common mundane things in a fresher, newer way to express your love.

As you celebrate your mate in this simple daily manner, I guarantee a ground swell of love and affection will be reciprocated from the other side. Now ladies, I urge you to take the lead on this as we men are a little slow when it comes to expressing love but show us the way and if that’s really the man who’s good for you, he will follow soot. You merely need to agree on this ‘every day is valentines’ way of doing things.

And if you still believe in the magic appeal of Valentines day, please by all means go ahead and enjoy it. Just make sure it’s a grand finale to a year long, daily celebration. One that marks the end of one yearly love cycle and the glorious start of the next.

Happy Our Day.

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So why do men cheat?

A question asked me by a disillusioned young lady I used to work with. A friend of hers had just had a terrible experience and she was looking for some answers. She was clearly disturbed and contemplating the troubling likelihood that someday, the same would happen to her. Even though it wasn’t her who was betrayed, I could feel the pain being conveyed second hand because that’s what cheating does. It causes serious pain.

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I Believe

Have you ever asked yourself what would you have to believe in order to be the person of your dreams and to live the life you desire? I recently asked myself that question and I came up with this long list.

I believe I am worthy of success and wealth

I believe I a can do all things through Christ who strengthens me

I believe I can achieve all my dreams

I believe I am a great husband and father

I believe I that in every adversity or challenge is an equal or greater opportunity

I believe that in utmost Integrity

I believe I am made for greatness

I believe I am loved and appreciated

I believe I have incredible potential that I can never exhaust

I believe I am 100% responsible for my life

I believe I am a winner

I believe I am blessed and highly favored

I believe I can lead with greatness

I believe in serving others lies the key to lasting success

I believe in giving great value delivered with excellence

I believe the more I give of my self, time and resources, the more I get in return

I believe that there is greatness inside of everyone and I merely have to draw it out

I believe what I leave inside my children is more important than what I leave for them

I believe true love is more something I do than something I feel

I believe that the quality of my thoughts dictates the quality of my life

I believe my attitude is more important than my circumstance

I believe I am where I am today because of choices I made in the past.

I believe in doing what I do best and finding others to do what I do worst.

I believe in constant never ending improvement

I believe in reading and learning from others is vital to my growth

I believe I have all the intelligence I need to succeed beyond my wildest dreams

I believe I was created to house the Glory of God

I believe when I believe, anything is possible

I believe the words I speak have great power

I believe that living my dreams inspires others around me to do the same

I believe that I am blessed to be a blessing to others

I believe I can choose my response to any event or circumstance

I believe my thoughts affect my emotions which inturn affect my actions

I believe the people I most spend time with directly affect the quality of thinking and life I have

What would you have to believe?

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A dirt grave and the purpose of life

Last week I laid to rest the father of a friend. A great, kind, generous and gentle giant of a man. It hurt to see all that he was, unceremoniously hidden away, under a pile of dirt. None of his money, contacts, accolades and experience could change the fact that when he died, he was put in the ground and covered with dirt.

It really hurt. Why? Because it will be the same for you, and for me.

And I began to question, what life is really all about when it’s all going to end like this? The answer came to me as I looked around me, desperate to make sense of it all.

It was the people. Everyone who was there to see the old man put to rest. I realized our lives are measured by our contribution to the lives of others. How we lived, who we touched for better or for worse and the legacy we leave is what matters. Not the cars, the houses or the fame we acquired. It’s the people we leave behind.

As a father, it’s incredibly important to me what legacy I leave for my children. Who will they be because of how I related to them? I want everyone who comes to see my pile of dirt say “I’m here today, alive, happy, successful, because I knew him. He made my life worth living”.

The children of the late were left angry and hurt with unsaid “goodbyes and I love you’s”. The right investment by him in them would have made an incredible difference to their loss now.

I intend to make a difference, leave a positive legacy.

What about you? How will you spend your life? Will you make a difference? I’d love to hear from you.

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The Apprentice & The Family Man’s Creed

This is the Family mans Creed. It goes out to all the men out there, married or single, we are still charged to live to these standards.

With Gods help I will do my best to:

Praise and Honor God daily in my thoughts, my words and my deeds thus establishing the foundation for my success as a true family man.

Honor and Respect my Wife, loving her as Christ loves the church and faithfully demonstrating my life long commitment to providing for her needs.

Spiritually protect my Family, by consistently interceeding in prayer for their needs, establishing the Word of God as our homes final authority. Boldly declaring “As for me and my house, we shall serve the Lord”

Emotionally protect my Family, by speaking words of blessings and encouragement, spending lots of time together and remembering to be slow to anger and quick to extend mercy.

Physically protect my family, through hardwork, preparedness and diligence, understanding that my call as a family man requires daily sacrifice.

Be faithful to my Family by ensuring regular weekly church attendance and faithful giving of my time and resources in addition to maintaining relationships with other Christian men for accountability and edification.

Ask the Lord daily for Wisdom and His empowerment that I may walk in love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness and self-control

Allow no other activities to distract me from my number one priority which is to be assured that my family proclaims Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior

Shalom

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The Apprentice & the 13 unbreakable laws of success

Today in my mail, I discovered a pleasant bonus in one of my weekly inspirational newsletters. The 13 absolutely unbreakable laws of success by Brian Tracy, one of my favorite motivational speakers. Here it is in simple and no nonsense breakdown of things you must learn to do to achieve great and lasting success in your life. I give you, the 13 Absolutely Unbreakable Laws of Success.

1. The Law of Control:

You feel good about yourself to the degree at which you feel you are in control of your own life.

2. The Law of Responsibility:

You are completely responsible for everything you are and for everything you become and achieve.

3. The Law of Direction:

Successful people have a clear sense of purpose and direction in every area of their lives.

4. The Law of Compensation:

You are always fully compensated for whatever you do, positive or negative.

5. The Law of Service:

Your rewards in life will always be in direct proportion to the value of your service to others.

6. The Law of Applied Effort:

All things are amenable to hard work.

7. The Law of Overcompensation:

If you always do more than you are paid for, you will always be paid more than you are getting now.

8. The Law of Preparation:

Effective performance is preceded by painstaking preparation.

9. The Law of Forced Efficiency:

The more things you have to do in a limited period of time, the more you will be forced to work on your most important tasks.

10. The Law of Decision:

Every great leap forward in life is preceded by a clear decision and a commitment to action.

11. The Law of Creativity:

Every advance in human life begins with an idea in the mind of a single person.

12. The Law of Flexibility:

Success is best achieved when you are clear about the goal but flexible about the process of getting there.

13. The Law of Persistence:

Your ability to persist in the face of setbacks and disappointments is your measure of your belief in yourself and your ability to succeed.

Shalom

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Let It Be You by Jim Rohn

I was richly blessed by this. We often ask ourselves, Why can’t I ever be the one who succeeds, why can’t I ever be the one with great relationships, why can’t I be the one interviewed in African Woman… Well the great news is it can be you. Jim Rohn puts it so nicely in this almost poetic piece which I thought i’d share with you today. Let it be you.

Each and every day, there are people all around the country and world who are living their dreams. Millionaires are made every day. Families are experiencing tremendous relationships. People are becoming more and more healthy. Lifelong learners are growing intellectually and improving their chances for success.

The fact is, living the life of your dreams is possible. People prove that every day. Someone somewhere is going to get rich, get healthy and improve their life. My recommendation is this: Let it be you!

Have you ever wanted to make more money? Have you ever looked at someone who has money and wished it could be you? People think about getting wealthy all the time, when only a small percentage actually do. But any of the masses could. Someone is going to start a business. Someone is going to make a great investment. Someone is going to begin the journey to great wealth. So why not let it be you?

Someone is going to decide to improve their relationships. Someone is going to enjoy love with their family. Someone is going to schedule some meaningful time with their friends. So why not let it be you?

Someone is going to go back to school to improve their life. Someone is going to become a lifelong learner. Someone is going to set a goal to read a book or listen to a CD each week for the next year. So why not let it be you?

Someone is going to look in the mirror and see that they need to lose a little weight and make the decision to become healthy. Someone will run their first marathon. Someone will join an aerobics class and improve their health. Why not let it be you?

I think that by now you get the point: Everyday people are improving their lives. Whether you do or don’t doesn’t matter to those who do. They are going to do it, regardless. It is simply a matter of a decision being made. Let that person be you!

You may be asking, “OK, Jim, but how?’ Well, let’s cover the very simple actions.

The first and most important thing to do is to make a commitment to work on yourself. Are you going to improve or stay the same? No matter what you have achieved, you are at a certain point right now. What you have achieved in the past is fine, but it doesn’t make a difference for the future. The decision about what you will become is made each and every day. Each day, someone is making the decision to better himself. Let that person be you!

The second is to make a plan. Once you have decided to become better, you will have to have a plan. It doesn’t have to be a long, intricate plan. It can be simple. Save a dollar a day. Walk a mile a day. Read an article a day. It’s a simple plan with achievable goals. Someone is going to develop a plan that will take them into the future of their dreams. Let it be you!

The third is to begin to act. All of the great ideas, without action, become stale and useless. The key to turning dreams into reality is action. People who have great ideas are a dime a dozen. People who act on their dreams and ideas are the select few, but they are the ones who gain the health, wealth and wisdom that is available. Someone will act today. Let it be you.

My encouragement to you is to stop looking at others who live the good life, wishing that you were as well, and begin to commit to your improvement, develop a plan and act on it. Someone is going to. Let it be you!

To Your Success,
Jim Rohn

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Celebrating one year of marriage and pondering the lessons learned.

On September 5th, my wife and I celebrated our first year anniversary. It’s hard to believe that a whole year has actually past. It feels like only a few days ago that we were stressing over guest lists, decorations and insane parents. I still remember how things came to a head the day before the wedding and my then fiancé and I had a major blowout and didn’t speak till 2hours before the service. At the time, I wished doubted everything in my life except gravity but today we are so much stronger and better people than we were back then.

The bible in the Book of Deuteronomy 24:5, advises that recently married couples should take the first year off to learn to love one another. I cannot overstate how vital this can be towards a successful marriage in the long haul. I thank The Master that He has orchestrated events such that I have been able to enjoy several months uninterrupted by work or war to learn to love my wife. I wish I could have had a proper year but someone needs to put food on the table right?

To put it simply, the past year has been such a powerful experience for me as a man. I have debunked so many myths, learnt so many truths and I believe in the process, become more of a man than I’ve ever been before. I would like to share some key learning’s with you now.

  1. Marriage (and life) is not about you!

    Yes, that’s right. It’s not about you. Ha, no one likes to here that one. Marriage is about spending the rest of your life consciously choosing to love your spouse 110% and help them become everything that God created them to be. It’s a bitter pill to swallow. Most of us get married thinking about what we’re going to get out of marriage. Love, sex, money, security, companionship, connections, a cook, a daddy, whatever. This self-centered mentality will always and has always led to poor marriages and divorce. Marriage is about giving up yourself for the benefit of your spouse. Only when you give of yourself selflessly, consistently, genuinely and tirelessly will you have an awesome marriage. So what about my needs you ask? Why get married if I get nothing out of this? Well actually you do get a lot out of marriage. I mentioned them already; Love, sex, money, security, companionship, connections, a cook, a daddy, whatever J Seriously though, the funny thing about marriage is this. If you chose the right partner (and often, even if it was the wrong one), God has worked it out that whatever you pour into your marriage, you will receive back in equal measure and more. So what I discovered was, the more I lay down my selfish desires and focus on fulfilling my wife’s needs, the more my wife would work at fulfilling mine. Ha?! Who’d have thought it?

  2. Marriage is very hard work.

    I can almost hear all the groans at that one. Yes, marriage is work and hard work at that too. In any way you color it, it simply isn’t easy for any two people with totally different upbringing, cultures and thinking to live together as a unit and you expect it to be seamless. If anyone told you that this will be a stroll on the beach, well, they lied. And you should sue them. Now. You could use the extra money anyway. To make a marriage work, there is a lot of sacrifice, sweat, tears and sometimes even blood. There will be fights over sillyness like, should the toothpaste be squeezed in the middle or the bottom. There will be anger, frustrations and crying over unmet expectations. There will be brokenness. There will be soccer nights and soap nights. There will be snoring and there will be farting. There will be in-laws and out-laws. There will be babies.So you see, there has to be a lot of work to make this work. Any man can tell you it’s a lot of work to sit still and listen to a woman. We’re just hopeless at emotional, touchy feeling sharing times. It’s a lot of work for women to understand her mans fundamental need for respect even when he doesn’t deserve it. It’s hard work to find the time to make love between diaper changes and 12 hour work days. Marriage is a lot of hard work. The upside is, when you do it right, it’s the most rewarding hard work you’ll ever do.

  3. Love is not a feeling and only God can provide the added juice!

    Hmmm. Yes. Love is not a feeling. The bible tells us that there are different kinds of love. Eros– sexual love, Phileos– affectionate friendly love and Agape-Unconditional love. Now the greatest of these is Agape. It has nothing to do with feelings. It’s a daily, moment by moment choice to do whatever is in the highest good for another. In marriage, we basically start with Eros – sexual love or emotional love. It quickly fades after a few months, even the honeymoon. I first heard from someone close to me long ago said in “Marriage, love is not enough” I didn’t get it at first but what it means is that the emotional love will not take you through marriage. You will need Agape love to get through those incredibly tough times when you can’t stand your spouse. When your husband comes home late for the umpteenth time after hanging out with the boys, only a God enabled choice can allow you to greet him with a smile and serve him his dinner and ask him how his day was as you massage his shoulders. So yes, you will need Agape love to make your marriage last and it’s only by the grace and love of God that you can be able to show the same to your spouse.

  4. Marriage can propel or break a man

    We have all heard the great adage; behind every great man there is a great woman. And behind every black man, are the police! But yeah, this is another truth I’ve come to learn in the last year. In Genesis 2, God says, it’s not good for man to be alone so let us create a suitable helper. The plan of God is for men to have dominion over the earth. Now, women’s activists should slow down before they bite my head off. What that means is that we are supposed to work hard and subdue the earth in order to prosper. But there is a catch. We cannot do it alone. We need the input, encouragement, respect and help of a good woman. Yeah boy’s you heard me, you can do great things but you can do unimaginable things with a great woman in your life. My wife, God bless her, is one of those awesome women. I have in the last year become so much more of a man in thought, character and spirit than in the last 29 years. I can see that I’m going to accomplish incredible things in my life. Boys, you need a woman who is your number one fan, who believes in you no matter what, who praises you and worships the ground you walk on. Trust me, ladies out there and men, if this is how a man is treated, he will always do great things.Of course the corollary is true. A bad woman can destroy even the best of men. It’s incredible the amount of influence women have on us men. If used wrongly, it can lead any man down a path of destruction. I’ve seen good men become liars, cheats and thieves because of a woman in his life. Wars have begun because of women, the Great battle of Troy. So what’s my point? Men, be very careful when choosing a wife because she can either make you or break you.

  5. Marriage is not a 50/ 50 partnership.

    This is one of the greatest myths people have when going into marriage. It’s not a 50/ 50 partnership. It’s a 100/ 100 partnership. If you go into this thinking you can give just 50% and your partner will do the other 50%, you will be disappointed. Marriage requires both parties go into this giving 100% of themselves, their time, their resources, their souls. If you are holding back, having a secret bank account, not opening up to each other fully or being honest, not forging and being compassionate, I can guarantee you that your marriage will never be as full and holistic as you’d like. Someone close to my wife advised her to have a secret bank account hidden from me so that she can keep a lifestyle for herself. The basic concept of “My money (hers) is my money and your money (mine) is our money” She disregarded this advice much to the gain of our marriage. Total disclosure and openness has fostered a level of trust and intimacy that I cannot describe. You cannot afford to withhold any part of yourself in Marriage if you wanted to have a great one. Marriage is about two people becoming one, that’s two wholes becoming one, not two halves.

  6. Marriage has shown me what a real man is supposed to look like

    As most of you know, throughout my blogging I haven’t hidden the fact that I believe the world is in dire need of real men. There are too many boys running around messing up the world for the rest of us. Marriage has shown me what a real man is supposed to look like. Marriage has shown me that real men are;

    • Family Conscious- They prioritize their wife and kids above all other worldly things. Nothing except God takes priority over them.
    • Responsible- They don’t blame anyone for their life or circumstances.
    • Providers- They take care of their family and those who have no one to help them.
    • Protectors- protects his family physically, emotionally and spiritually.
    • Priests – A man was designed by God to be the spiritual head of his home, to pray and intercede for them. A real man is tied into Jesus.
    • Teachers – A man is a teacher. He has to teach those under his care the right way to live and do things as shown to him by God.
    • Principled - Men have to have N.U.T.S Non negotiable Unalterable Terms. Principles of virtue, integrity, character, discipline, kindness, leadership etc by which they live.
    • Selfless – Real men are not self-centered. They live their lives to make the lives of others better according to God’s love.
    • Diligent Hard workers — Real men are diligent hard workers. They work hard to provide for their families and provide a secure future for them leaving a wholesome legacy for their children.

  7. Life doesn’t always go according to plan but often times works out a whole lot better.

    This is a funny one. In life we all have plans. When I’m twenty I’ll do this. When I get a promotion, I’ll do that. When I get married, I’ll do that. But life likes to throw curve balls. My wife and I planned a simple small wedding which we would pay for ourselves. EEEEHH! Wrong. We planned to go to a certain exotic place for our honeymoon. EEEHHH! Wrong again. We planned to spend the first two years without children so we could enjoy us. EEEHHH! Wrong again. What happened. Well, we had a small wedding but we didn’t manage to pay for it ourselves. We didn’t end up in the exotic spot but instead discovered a beautiful suburban location is South Africa that is now on my top 5 holiday destinations forever. We didn’t get to have our two years but every day when I look at our daughter, I melt with awe and joy. The lesson is, even though you don’t get what you plan, you can often time get something a whole lot better than you had planned. Lesson, don’t sweat it. For every lost plan, there is a bigger and better one. You just have to keep an open mind.

I can clearly tell you though, there is still quite a lot for me to learn but I’m looking forward to learning them all. What I can say is, marriage is a beautiful and wonderful institution when God is in the midst of it. It’s challenging but rewarding and the best human relationship of all. To those who aren’t married and want to, I encourage you to. Those who are married and having a rough time, there’s always hope.

Shalom.

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Truths about borrowing money that I’ve learned from loan sharks

It seems like in this world we live in today, it’s impossible to actually live without borrowing money. Everywhere you turn either yourself or someone you know is indebted.

Well over the last several weeks, a series of events all related to loan sharks and borrowed money have opened my eyes to certain truths that I’d like to share with you today. It’s my hope that you and I will see the fallacy of this dangerous lifestyle of borrowing that we are unconsciously comfortable with.

Lesson 1: Luzira express. Failure to pay debts is a criminal offence punishable with jail time.

Ok, this one I honestly didn’t know but it’s a scary fact. Even if you owe someone 10,000UGX and they take you to court over failure to pay, well you can be sentenced to jail time. I came to learn this lesson by the unwarranted instruction of a two loan sharks to whom my brothers were indebted. Suffice to say, they both have been arrested and only released upon lots of lobbying. I never used to get it but the basic principle is that getting you arrested is a strong arm technique by the sharks to force your friends and family to cough up the money in order to save you a one way trip to luzira. Now that used to piss me off but later I learnt that it’s actually a criminal offence to fail to pay your debts. A lot of us take it for granted that if we don’t pay our debts, what’s the worst that can happen? Well a couple of months in Luzira could happen. Take an example of those oh so popular salary loans we yuppies like to take out. A guy I know who works at a certain standard bank actually encouraged me to defraud my bank by taking a huge loan and not paying by simply saying I don’t have a job anymore so I can’t pay. Sounds really sweet eh? All that cash with no downside. Well a week ago I discovered that banks can actually take you to court and prosecute you all the way to cell block D if you fail to pay. So lesson, failure to pay your debts is tantamount to theft and you are a criminal if you don’t.

Lesson 2: The Borrower is the slave to the Lender

This one I first saw in the bible. Proverbs 22:7 says the Rich rules over the poor and the Borrower is a servant to the lender. This is a simple lesson I’ve seen in my own life and the life of many of my loved ones. When you borrow money, you are indebted to the person or system that lent you the money. Which means, in order to get your freedom back, you need to do everything in your power to pay them back. It is in the process of paying back that you become a slave. You go to work to day in day out to earn money to pay off your creditors. Trust me I’ve been there. Giving away half my salary every month to pay off some debts. Missing out on all the wonderful things I could have been doing with that money and at the same time shrinking my life to fit in the paltry salary that remained. Not even being able to buy a pair of shoes or a shirt. I began to loathe my job and my very existence because it seemed like I was working for my creditors. Others become insomniacs, get high blood pressure etc. Point is, you lose your freedom and become a slave till you clear that debt.

Lesson 3: Never stand surety for anyone. Period!

I don’t need to say too much about this one. It’s also biblical. Proverbs 6:1 says “My child, suppose you agree to pay the debt of someone, who cannot repay a loan. Then you are trapped by your own words,” and Proverbs 17:18 “It’s stupid to guarantee someone else’s loan.” Subtle!

I needn’t say any more about the folly of standing surety. What is surety you ask? Surety is simply guaranteeing a loan on someone else’s behalf. Failure of that person to pay means that you pay the outstanding amount. Now the problem with this is, a lot of people have no problem defaulting on their loans leaving you to face the music. Besides, by the time someone asks you to stand surety for them, they believe you are a Mugaga. Worse still though, if the person fails to pay, and you can’t pay either, well, it’s off to luzira for both of you! Back to the example of my brothers. One of them stood surety for a cousin who failed to pay. Guess who was picked up at his office by the police? Yep, my brother. Only some frantic running around spared him a one way trip to Luza’s. The prisons bus spent the whole afternoon eagerly waiting just for my bro. So key lesson, any failure to pay by the person is your failure as the one who stood surety. You are just as liable. So, as for standing surety, as the old adage goes, JUST SAY NO!

Lesson 4: Borrowing can ruin your reputation, your relationships and your life

Ok now this one I have seen way up close. A very close cousin of mine is like 5000 feet deep in debts to banks, loan sharks, friends and family. He hasn’t had a job for the last 6months. Several people in my family have had brushes with harassment and arrest because of standing surety for his loans. To put it mildly, they don’t ever want to see him ever again. His name isn’t even supposed to be mentioned. It’s like in Harry Potter, the reference to the villain is generally ““He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named”. There, relationships destroyed. Nobody in their even wildly, intoxicated frame of mind would touch him with a ten foot pole. He has been marked by the new Credit Reference Bureau as a “Delinquent borrower” so he can never borrow from any bank in Uganda for a minimum period of 7years or is it 10? Whatever, the point is reputation destroyed. If he gets arrested by any one of multiple creditors, he’ll have a criminal record to deal with all the rest of his days. Plus there are ripple effects. When I looked at my other brother facing arrest for some loans, I couldn’t help think, so what happens to his wife and kids if he’s incarcerated? Who looks after them when the creditors take all their property to clear their dues? Their lives would also be destroyed. So no reputation, relationships or life.

Lesson 5: Borrowing is a sign of selfishness, impatience and indiscipline

Now don’t get me wrong. Not all borrowing is bad. But habitual borrowing underlines a much bigger problem. Why do you borrow? Simply because you want something but you don’t have the patience to wait to get it. It’s about instant gratification. I must have it now. We live in a generation where we expect everything to be instant and to get it with the least possible work. Borrowing is the path of least resistance. You want a car? Get a bank loan to buy it now even though in reality, you can’t afford it. You want to impress that girl? Borrow from your work buddies to take her to rock night and buy her black label. Spent all your salary paying for that really expensive apartment? Just borrow some money to see you through the remaining 3weeks of the month. Get the picture? Borrowing arises from selfish, impatient desire to have things that we can’t afford in the moment (and probably shouldn’t anyway) and we don’t have the discipline to live within our means and save towards getting that thing debt free. I’m definitely not perfect. I wanted a car so badly and I couldn’t wait so I borrowed money at an exorbitant interest rate and spent 2years paying for a car that in the end, I don’t even like that much! What’s more, the car isn’t even worth half what I borrowed now. Sigh. Even worse, we borrow to pay debts! Don’t even get me started about that crazy cycle. So lesson, if you are habitually in debt, it’s time to have a long, hard and brutally honest examination of yourself and your lifestyle. You might be shocked at what you discover about yourself.

So these are a few critical lessons I’ve learnt about borrowing. I’m sure i’ going to learn more as these situations in the family are being cleared up. My wife and I generally live by a strict agreement to never borrow unless it’s a matter of life and death or if it’s for investment. Otherwise, we’d rather starve than borrow and believe me, there have been times when we did. I must say though, after all the drama I’ve seen courtesy of loan sharks these past 6weeks, I’m so thankful we took this stand. I’d rather starve in my own house than have to worry about being made someone’s b@*$h! Now this advice is difficult for most but if you want peace in your life, and you want to avoid Luza’s, just stay away from borrowing. I’d love to hear some of your own loan shark stories and lessons so hit me.

Shalom

“Owe no man any thing, but to love one another: for he that loveth another hath fulfilled the law.” Romans 13:8

“But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus.” Phil 4:19

Who goeth a borrowing, Goeth a sorrowing.
~Thomas Tusser

Debt, n.  An ingenious substitute for the chain and whip of the slavedriver.
~Ambrose Bierce, The Devil’s Dictionary, 1911

Some debts are fun when you are acquiring them, but none are fun when you set about retiring them.
Ogden Nash

Be assured that it gives much more pain to the mind to be in debt, than to do without any article whatever which we may seem to want.
Thomas Jefferson

Live within your means, never be in debt, and by husbanding your money you can always lay it out well. But when you get in debt you become a slave. Therefore I say to you never involve yourself in debt, and become no man’s surety. If your friend is in distress, aid him if you have the means to spare. If he fails to be able to return it, it is only so much lost.
Andrew Jackson

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