The Resolution: A Godly Mans Creed

I recently watched a movie called “Courageous” that simply epitomised everything I talk about being a man, husband and father. Check out the trailer below.

The thing that I walked away with is that you simply cannot be passive about your manhood. You must take it seriously because in the end, God holds men doubly accountable. In the movie, the fathers realise this and all make a resolution to live by. I’ve got a copy for you to reference from time to time. But make no mistake, you will need God and Courage to live this through.

THE RESOLUTION

I DO solemnly resolve before God to take full responsibility for myself, my wife, and my children.

I WILL love them, protect them, serve them, and teach them the Word of God as the spiritual leader of my home. Continue reading »

Fathers Need their children too!

The other day I was watching a feel good movie called Real Steel. A great movie I must say. I mean who wouldn’t enjoy giant robots smashing themselves to bits at the screams of the people? On the surface, it’s just another story of the underdog triumphing against all odds.

The thing that struck me the most was the story beneath the metal carnage; a story of a father creating a relationship with the son he never knew existed. Now this was for me the true highlight of the film.

You see, before meeting his son, this guy was selfish and unfocused in his endeavors. A has-been pro boxer who is now deep in debt, appearing in backwater arenas to place his robot in fights to the death.

However, when the son enters his life, he starts seeing things a different way, he learns how to put someone ahead of himself and very importantly, he learns to dream again and believe in himself. Continue reading »

Why Valentine’s Day is actually destroying your relationship and how you can save it.

“Why should we wait a whole year for one supposedly special day to celebrate our love and affection to one another?”

Believe it or not but we were still young and in the throws of a blossoming love when my now wife asked me this question several years ago. We were still dating and the thought of making babies together hadn’t even crossed our lightning fast minds.

I admit I was really relieved. You have to understand there’s incredible pressure on us men to deliver a spectacular once in a year romantic experience every 14th February for the women in our lives. Plus I was quite broke at that time so I was bound to disappoint.

But isn’t it funny how valentines isn’t so much a holiday for couples to celebrate their love as it is for the ladies to out-do each other by having their romance inept men very publicly shower them with gifts, treats and excessive excursions? I never see the women going crazy about what they must do for their man or the men spending the whole day waiting for cards and chocolates. I think that says a lot, don’t you?

Anyways, back to my story. I was relieved that not only did I not have to break the already broken bank to impress this amazing woman with usual expensive repertoire for Valentines but more so because I found someone who shared my own appreciation for the shallowness of the whole thing.

Here’s the reality. You simply cannot claim to love someone on one special day in the year and then spend the other three hundred and sixty four treating them like your servant or doormat. Yet that’s the deception we have bought into. There is no one special day in the year to show your love for your mate. Every day is special.

I can boldly say that this sort of thinking is actually killing our relationships. Remembering how special your mate is, usually the ladies, once or twice a year simply doesn’t cut it. Now while this may not affect the males as much, seeing as women are the more emotionally intelligent of the species, over time it does get both parties feeling less than valued when acknowledged so rarely.

So my wife and I decided we won’t celebrate Valentine’s. There’s no point. Instead, we came up with a much better way born out of a simple, wild thought spoken out loud.

“Instead of ‘Happy Valentines Day’ once a year, how about “Happy Our Day”, every day of the year?”

The key principal of Valentine’s is to celebrate love through unique, uncommon and often very public gestures. Those amazing feelings aroused at the end of the day prove we all love the doting and attention in front of our friends and peers. Now imagine the impact it would have on your relationship if you did smaller shows of love every day throughout the year instead? Dynamite!

It’s in the simple things. A wild rose picked from the wayside on one day, a slice of her favorite cake the next, a bow wrapped beer for him after a long day at work the other. The options are only limited to your imagination. Be creative and find ways to use the common mundane things in a fresher, newer way to express your love.

As you celebrate your mate in this simple daily manner, I guarantee a ground swell of love and affection will be reciprocated from the other side. Now ladies, I urge you to take the lead on this as we men are a little slow when it comes to expressing love but show us the way and if that’s really the man who’s good for you, he will follow soot. You merely need to agree on this ‘every day is valentines’ way of doing things.

And if you still believe in the magic appeal of Valentines day, please by all means go ahead and enjoy it. Just make sure it’s a grand finale to a year long, daily celebration. One that marks the end of one yearly love cycle and the glorious start of the next.

Happy Our Day.

A mans word.

You give me your word? Puhleeaase!

I give you my word.

There was a time when that used to mean something. Something worth more than gold. That’s not so true anymore.

When was the last time you heard that phrase and believed it completely without a flicker of doubt? When was the last time you made such a promise and lived up to it? I know its been a heck of a long time for me. I’m not proud of that.

The word of a man is his bond. You ever hear of that one? These phrases exist because a man is supposed to be a person of the highest integrity. When a man says he’s going to do something or be somewhere at a given time, it’s supposed to be a given. Continue reading »

Stop feeling sorry for yourself!

I admit for the past two days I’ve been wallowing in self-pity. I’ve been raging against the world screaming about what I deserve and who I should be or what I should be doing and having. I’ve sobbed a few precious tears in the silence when no one was looking (yes I’m man enough to admit I do cry) I’ve given myself the liberty to allow everything around me to fall to the way side just because I needed to feel sorry for myself.

Call it a mid-life crisis but given that I’m only 32 years old, it’s come a little early. Hang on though, the life expectancy of an average black male is about 50 or something so I guess I’m right on cue. I have a confluence of anger, disappointment, frustration, weariness, dashed hopes, failures and shame swirling around on the inside.

My life looks nothing like what I’ve dreamed or hoped or planned. I’m nowhere near the caliber of man my wife deserves or father my daughter needs. I’m no successful writer or entrepreneur and I don’t have the impact in positively changing people’s lives like I want to. I feel horrible. My heart aches. It sucks. Continue reading »

It’s alot easier to talk your walk

I’ve been struggling lately to write compelling, earth shattering, philosophical posts pertaining to you, the men who read this blog.

I read a whole lot from all over the internet, books, magazines. I watch videos and listen to audio tapes about being a leading man of God.

Each time I do I marvel at the writers prose and speakers eloquence and vast depth of knowledge and experience that make you hang onto every word they say as gospel.

I often catch myself, longing to be like them, wondering why I can’t be as deep and insightful? Why I can’t get people to hang onto my every word like I was an eastern zen master? Why don’t I get hundreds of comments to my articles? Continue reading »

Screw it. I’m done looking for my life’s passion.

My last blog post was all about getting back on the horse. Walking the talk. You know, manning up.

However, today, I had a revelation that I believe will simply catapult my efforts to being my most awesome self.

As you may know, I do a lot of reading about success, growth, self-actualization, generally being the most kick ass version of yourself. The simplest and most common formula for success out there is:

 “Find your passion. Live your passion. Make obscene amounts of money from your passion”.

Continue reading »

Getting back on the horse

Its been quite a while since I last posted anything here. I admit it’s been a crazy emotional time for me. I’ve been borderline depressed for over 2months actually. You see, even though I share alot of ‘wisdom’ on this site about being a man, living your best life and all,  I’ve found lately that being true to what I preach isn’t so easy. I came to realise that I am certainly not walking my talk or in this case, blog.

Truth is, I’ve been living way below my potential as a man, Continue reading »

So if girls run the world then who needs men?

Who runs the world? Girls.

Thats what Beyonce Knowles wants us to believe with her hit new song. So does Alicia Keys who sings Superwoman. Our local stars Blu3 sing that they are strong women. A lot of these songs are coming up lately. Call them womens empowerment anthems. There is a tsunami of women’s lib and empowerment that is sweeping modern society like never before. It’s great to see women finally being recognised and appreciated for their uniqueness and all that it adds to this world. However, the down side to this is that men and manliness are being swept under this same wave. I see more than ever, men being despised, stepped on, degraded, pushed aside, valued less and in some cases, vilified and loathed. Continue reading »

I’m sick and tired of me!

I’m sick and tired.

Tired of not being my authentic self and pursuing my unique God given purpose.

Tired of living in constant fear and dread instead of faith & confidence in God.

Tired of being unhappy, stressed and unmotivated.

Tired of being lazy, apathetic and always procrastinating.

Tired of being weak willed with poor discipline and follow through.

Tired of being timid, lacking confidence in myself and my potential.

Tired of not believing in myself or my dreams enough to pursue them relentlessly.

Tired of being less than a shadow of the awesome man I know I can be.

Tired of seeing others achieve their dreams while I’m still stuck in the same place.

Tired of doing work that I have no passion for just so I can make ends meet.

Tired of having to make ends meet!

Tired of not making a greater positive impact and contribution to peoples lives.

Tired of pleasing everyone around me at the expense of my own convictions and beliefs.

Tired of people telling me how much greatness is inside of me and not being able to live up to it.

Tired of reading success stories and self help books only to see the same old results.

Tired of looking at my daughter and knowing I’m not being the role model she deserves.

Tired of my wife believing me to be a great man and not actually being great.

Tired of looking forward to going to bed only to spend the night dreading getting up.

Tired of being sick and tired.